14 Home truths about motherhood

1. Your home will always be untidy, and one day, you'll just accept this is the new norm
2. The baby will pretty much take over the entire house
3. Your clothes will perpetually be covered in baby food/sick/poop/wee/snot
4. You'll get baby poop under your nails #truestory
5. You'll be sneezed over almost every day, often baby will do this with a mouth full of food
6. Your baby will love wiping their face on you - preferably your shoulder
7. You'll be forever in debt to your baby, on that one occasion they let you have a cuppa & lunch while happily playing
8. You know that baby brain you had when pregnant? It doesn't go away
9. Do you have pets? While they might have been #1 in your house, you'll be lucky if they're #8 after a baby
10. Wearing makeup will be a luxury, and sods law will be as soon as you put foundation on, they'll become obsessed with touching your face
11. Evenings out? haha I didn't know I was a comedian either
12. You'll learn that being tired is just how you roll now
13. As much as you don't want them to grow up, you'll secretly count down the days until you can sell on the Jumperoo/Play Mat/Swing etc to reclaim a tiny bit of your lounge back (only to make way for thousands of toys!)
14. If you ever decide to take a nap when your baby is napping, you can bet that'll be the time the postman knocks the door, not with a package for you, but for your neighbour #truestory

I could go on with so many more, maybe I'll save them for another post ;)

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6 things they don't tell you about becoming a parent

1.  Those fears about poop, saliva, snot etc, don't matter

I'm pretty horrid at dealing with saliva (barf), poop, snot, things like that - I used to work in operating theatres and have dry heaved over a waking patient when they took the tube out of their throat and saw the saliva... but with Squidge, it just doesn't matter - I can even get poop on my hand and be ok with it, never thought I'd see the day!

2.  You'll cope better than you expect without sleep

Before having a baby, it's hard to imagine how you'll cope on 3 hrs sleep a night, but you do - it's pretty remarkable!  Before Squidge slept through the night I'd get about 3 hrs, and I wouldn't nap in the day, but I managed to function without being a complete and utter zombie - although, there was that occasion that I put a black bin bag in the dishwasher instead of a tablet... true story.

3.  Nothing can prepare you for the love...

Everyone says it, but it's true, nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming love you'll feel for your little one, it's such a pure love, and nothing they do will ever shake that.  It's so overwhelming that in the early days after they've been born, you might well find yourself crying with happiness at at being so overwhelmed that they're in your life.

4.  Think you have no free time now? Ha!

It's funny, before we had Squidge we actually thought we had no free time... (insert laughter here), it's amazing how much of your time becomes dedicated to your baby - all of it pretty much, and that's ok, you don't begrudge it at all, you just miss some of your old hobbies, but if they're really important to you, you'll find time for them, whether that's when the baby is sleeping, or after coercing someone to look after the baby for a few hours/day.

5.  Celebrating strange things

Typically, before being a parent you might celebrate birthday's, valentines, you know, normal stuff, but when you have a baby, you'll start celebrating things like a nice big burp after a bottle, or a poop after a couple of poop free days - I've literally yelled 'YAY he's pooping!' - yeah you'll celebrate normal things too like when they first smile, but you'll breath a sigh of relief with poops and burps, especially if they're colicy or constipated.

6.  Face full of pee

If you have a boy, it's almost a foregone conclusion that at some point, he's going to pee on his face and then cry... it's typically as soon as you've removed the old nappy and just before you put the new clean nappy on - pro tip: keep a baby wipe out and when you whip off the old nappy, chuck the baby wipe over his bits to stop this happening :)  Oh, you'll probably get pee on your face at some point too - maybe even poop if you're really lucky.

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Correcting a baby's day and night

For the first 7ish weeks of Squidge's life, he had his days and nights mixed up and it was a nightmare. I think it must be quite common with Autumn/Winter babies, as often in the day it's dark and bleak, and in the evenings we have the lights on making it bright.  We got to the stage where we were up with him until about 6am night after night and it was horrific... we didn't know what we were doing wrong, but we were doing the same thing every night and hoping for a different result (definition of insanity non?), so we made some changes, and we saw immediate results.  

While I'm sure there's many different ways to help fix this, this is what worked for us.  That's not to say it'll necessary work for you, but if you're anything like I was, and you're reading this, then I'm sure you're willing to try anything, I know we were.

Routine is so important.  It doesn't necessarily matter what time you do this routine, it can change day-to-day, but the going-to-bed part is really important, so that when you go through the motions, they'l know this means it's sleep time.  Here's what we do every night, the time varies depending on when his feeds fall, but it's about 8-9pm each night.

I take him upstairs and put his lamp on the lowest setting in his nursery.  I change his nappy and don't talk to him - the feed before this one is where I'd change him into his sleepsuit, I find doing it as part of the going to bed routine wakes him up to much as he's started to cry when we change his clothes.

Then, with my warm bottle, we go into the bedroom where his moses basket it, leaving the light off so that just the light from his nursery lights up our room, I just need it light enough to see his face to be able to feed him. I sit on the bed and feed him in the dark, again not speaking to him.  It's a very quiet and calm feed.  Even if he cries, I don't speak to him, but I will make ssssssh sounds while I'm trying to get him sleepy.

Once the feed is done, I burp him, once that's done I cuddle him, put his dummy in and rock him until he's sleepy.  Once he's sleepy I put him down in his moses basket and usually he'll fall right asleep. If he starts crying, I'll pick him back up, get him sleepy and put him back down, it's just repeating those steps.

I walk away and head downstairs and watch him on the monitor - we'll only go back up to him if he's really crying, or if he's spat the dummy out - usually just putting that back in is enough to send him straight back off, even if his eyes are wide open.  The first night we tried this, he didn't wake up until about 1am for that feed, this went on for about a week or so, then he dropped that feed and started sleeping through until about 7-8am.

I'm realistic in that I know it could all chance, especially when he's teething, but for now he's sleeping through the night, and getting regular naps in the day (about 2-3 hours in the morning, and about 30-60 mins after or before each feed in the day).  Sleep is super important for babies, they're learning so much and doing so much growing that they really need to rest, it helps them retain all the things they've just learned.  The days when he doesn't sleep much in the day time we really see a difference in him, he'll be much more grouchy and cries a lot more, so we know he needs it.

One thing to be careful of, this routine does lend itself to you letting them fall asleep on you first, which is a habit that I've gotten into that I'm in the process of breaking, and so far so good :)

The biggest things to remember:

Stick to the routine, even if it doesn't work straight away, the routine itself is really important
Do the last feed in the dark
Don't speak to them during the last feed, it needs to be quiet & calm
Make day-time feeds more happy and fun, chat away to them so they can see the different between day and night feeds

I hope that's been helpful, please leave a comment if you try this and let me know how you get on. Or if you've fixed the same problem but a different way, please do leave a comment with your tips for other mums & dads :)

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Top 5 tips for new mums

Nothing can prepare you for the arrival of your bundle of joy.  It's a rollercoaster of emotions, from utter ebullient blissful happiness, to worry, fear and constantly questioning if what you're doing is right.  While everyone will have a different experience, I've put together a bit of a list on the things I'd have appreciated someone telling me before Squidge's arrival.

1.  It's ok not to breastfeed

I really battled with this.  Before even trying for a baby, I'd always assumed I'd breastfeed, what I didn't expect was for Squidge not to be able to.  After weeks of trying, it became apparent that it wasn't going to work for us.  I'd expressed as much milk as I could for the first 2 months of his life, so he had a great start and had the milk protecting him from nasty bugs etc.  There's also the added pressure of the 'Brest is best' mentality - while they're right, it doesn't mean you have to physically breastfeed - you can express.  Whatever you decide to do (i.e. breast milk or formula) it has to be what's best for you and your little one, only you can decide that :)

2.  Do what's right for you

What works for me, and other mummies might not work for you.  I've read in countless places 'Don't let your baby fall asleep on you', but if that's the only way your baby is falling asleep, you have to do what is right for you.  I actually love Squidge falling asleep on me and don't mind at all.  If that's what he needs to help him sleep, well that's fine by me.  I will at some point have to wean him from that - and in fairness, he doesn't always fall asleep that way - but when you've been awake until 5am/6am for 2 weeks running, you'll do anything to get them to sleep.  So whether it's about sleeping, feeding, or whatever, just remember that you have to do what works for you.

3.  Let technology help you

Something I've recently started doing is using a couple of apps - one is called 'Baby Feed' on Android and the other is The Wonder Weeks (this one you have to pay for, it's about £1.69 or something).  Baby Feed you use to track feeds, nappies, naps, baths etc - you can log how much they've had, how long they've fed/napped and when you've had dirty nappies.  This is great as most of us are living as a perpetual zombie and it can be hard to remember when they had their last feed, especially if they have colic and have been constantly crying in between feeds.  My advice is to not get too hung up on it though, don't worry too much about the quantities and when they're feeding, for me it's just a mental prompt that they're due or how long feeds are taking etc, and it's nice to see how much he's sleeping.

The Wonder Weeks is fab as it shows you when your child is about to go through a developmental leap during their first year.  During each leap, they tend to be more grizzly, and you'll notice they'll develop new abilities, it's really interesting to read and see the correlation as they go through it.

4.  Don't compare your baby to other babies

All babies are different and will have their first smile/giggle/step etc at different times.  It's easy to see a friends baby who's a couple weeks younger than yours, seeing them giggle before your baby and think there's something not right about yours.  But, babies all develop at different rates, yeah theirs might have smiled first, but yours might crawl first, or maybe they won't do anything first, it really doesn't matter - as long as they're on track (roughly) for them, that's all that matters.  If you do use The Wonder Weeks app, you'll know it's all based on their due date anyway, so it could be that your baby was early, and theirs was late, so they're ahead in brain development anyway as they're technically older :)  

5.  It's ok to sit in your PJ's all day

I still do it and I don't care!  If you've had a bad night (or even if you haven't), don't feel bad about answering the door with greasy hair up in a bun, PJ's on and baby sick down your top.  Your a mother who's just brought life into this world and your life is all about them.  It takes everything you have to look after them, and grab moments of sanity during their naps, so don't worry if you have days or weeks where you just need to forget about putting on makeup, or getting dressed - it's all about doing what's best for you :)

(Oh and I have a secret 6th tip - it's about housework... yeah that thing.  Housework is something that'll get done when it gets done.  Yeah it's not ideal, but then you're dedicating your life to raising an infant who can't do anything for themselves.  So while you're doing that, it's ok to let the hoovering or tidying slip, you're only human after all)

I hope you found them useful and if you have any tips like that you'd like to share, just leave them in a comment below :)  If you haven't had your baby yet, why not have a read of my newborn essentials guide?

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Newborn essentials

Now that Squidge isn't a newborn any more, and after several trips to the shops to fill the gaps of bits I didn't buy the right quantities of, I thought I'd put together a guide on what I would consider your newborn essentials.

Clothes

I made the mistake of buying loads of vests and only 3 babygrows/sleepsuits, so after Squidge was born I had to pop out and buy all the stuff I was missing, i.e. a gazillion sleepsuits.

You may not feel you need these quantities, but this is the amount I keep as we've had nights before where we've had 5 changes of clothes... and trust me, when you've had a night like that, the last thing you want to be doing the next day is loads of washing.

Newborn or First size should be fine, Squidge is only just moving up to 0-3 month size, he was 6lb 9oz when born and he started making the move when he was about 6 weeks old and they're still a bit big now at 9 weeks and over 10lb 7oz.

10 x vests (maybe up to 15)

10 x sleepsuits/babygrows with built in scratch mitts (maybe up to 15)

2-3 hats in different sizes

1-2 outdoor suits (like snow suits they can wear over their sleepsuits)

If you're having a winter baby, I'd pick up a couple of cardigans too, better yet, get someone to knit some for you :)

Built in scratch mitts

I wouldn't worry about booties, socks, trousers etc until they're a little older, like 6ish weeks, babygrows are so much easier and in the early days, you'll be grateful for anything that makes your life easier.

If you're based in the UK, I really can't recommend Asda baby clothes enough, they're cheap and great quality, very soft and with a great range of designs, for boys, girls and neutrals. Personally, I'd stay away from Primark, the baby clothes I bought from there were very rough and weren't very good quality (the print etc would come off when washed).  Next & Debenhams have great baby clothes too, but can be a little pricey, I tend to stick to the sales for these.  H&M have a lovely range of baby clothes too, middling quality and middling price.

Sleeping, Eating & bathing

Whether you're breastfeeding or bottle feeding I'd still recommend having plenty of muslin cloths, they're a god send, you can't have enough of them.

3-5 cellular blankets (loose knit with holes, like hospital blankets*, here's an example)

10 x muslin cloths (if not more)

1-2 waterproof mattress covers for your Moses basket (this is the one I bought)

4 x sheets for your Moses basket (nappies will leak onto these and they'll be sick on them)

5+ bibs with velcro fastening (trust me, poppers are hell when you're trying to support their head and do the bib up while they're crying)

3-5 hooded towels (I thought these were a novelty but they're actually awesome)

1 x baby bath (we've been using this one)

1 x bath thermometer

1 x baby sponge (we've been using a natural sea sponge)

Skincare

Its quite common for newborns to get very dry skin, so its good to have some bits on standby. Squidge had very dry and peeling skin and everyone including the midwife and health visitor recommended olive oil. While I'm sure this works for a lot of people it just didn't work for us, we found Johnsons baby oil worked the best, just warm a little of it in your hands before rubbing it over them.

1 x tub of Sudocrem (for red bottoms)

1 x Sudocrem care & protect (he's prevent redness)

1 x Johnsons baby oil (if you're bathing your baby at night, consider trying the night time version)

1 x Johnsons body wash (same with this one)

Have on standby

Theres a couple of products I bought on a whim, not sure if I'd ever use them and products I wish I'd had from day 1.

Infacol - if your baby develops colic, you're going to want to start this asap as it takes a week to get into their system

Junior Calpol - for babies that are 2 months old, have this to hand ready for their jabs at 8 weeks

Digital thermometer - I had been planning on using the forehead strip my mum used on me when I was a kid, but its not very accurate and ours was in farenheit, so we've invested in a proper one (this is the one I've bought)

Anti-colic bottles - for baby number 2 I'll probably only use anti-colic bottles 'just in case' as a preventative step

Other useful things

Tommee Tippee Sangenic nappy bin - this has been fan, helps keep the smell of those dirty nappies at bay, keeps them neat in a long sausage and stores them sealed in a bin

Tommee Tippee bottle warmer - this has been a god send, it heats up bottles really quickly, good if you're bottle feeding or expressing (reviewed here)

Medela swing electric breast pump - this has made expressing so much easier than a manual pump, worth the money (I reviewed it here)

Hanging mini clothes airer - this has been amazing, its a nightmare drying baby socks (and clothes) if you don't have a tumble drier, this comes with the clothes pegs attached and doesn't take up much space, I'm actually thinking of buying a second one (here's a link to the one I bought - £15.99)

I hope you've found that useful, I know I'd have loved a guide like this when I was pregnant with Squidge as I had no idea what quantities to buy and ended up with quite a few gaps in what we had and needed.

*this is in case your baby pulls the blanket over their face, it'll give them space to breathe and hopefully not overheat as easily. I'd avoid fleece type blankets as babies can easily overheat with these and overheating is more dangerous than them being cold.

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Coping with colic

For about a week now we've been dealing with colic.  It all started last Sunday, we had a lovely day out at Pettigrew tea rooms and Madame Fromage and headed home about 4pm.  In the car he started crying a bit and after getting home, there was no consoling him - we had screaming tears until 1am, the only time he wasn't crying was when he was eating, or when he was sleeping, which wasn't much as the colic would wake up him after a few minutes.

It was heartbreaking to see, to know there's pretty much nothing we could do to make him feel better, and that he was so uncomfortable it made him scream and cry.  The next day I took to the internet to see what we could do to help him.  

After reading up lots and speaking to lots of people on Facebook and Twitter, we decided to make some changes.  Here's what we did:

Dr Browns colic bottles

We had been using the Tommee Tippee bottles, but the health visitor had recommended getting the proper colic ones with a straw in the middle as I'd been saying for a little while I thought he was a little colicy.  We bought a pack of 4 Dr Browns bottles, we opted for them over the Tommee Tippee ones as everywhere I'd read about colic, they didn't mention the TT ones, only the Dr Browns ones.

Infacol

Different people recommend different things, like Colief or Infacol etc.  Well back when I was pregnant I bought some Infacol - at the time I didn't know what it was for, but I'd seen loads of people talk about it, so I picked it up during an Asda baby event.  It has an ingredient in it called Simeticone, it doesn't work straight away, but takes about a week to build up in your baby's system, so if your baby has colic and you're thinking of using Infacol, I'd start it straight away as it'll take a while to work.  But bear in mind, about 1 in 5 babies develop colic, and Infacol won't work on all of them, so if this doesn't work on your baby, perhaps try Colief.  You give them one dropper of it before each feed.

Feeding upright

If you feed your baby with them laid back in your arms or if you're breastfeeding, they tend to take in more air, so try feeding him in a more upright position if possible, this should help him take in less air and be more comfortable.

Squidge on Day 1 of having colic (isn't that the cutest crying face!)

New food

Ideally this is something you should discuss with your health visitor, midwife or Dr before switching, but seeing as it's on the shelf, you don't 'need' to have their say-so to buy it.  Our health visitor recommended the Cow & Gate Comfort formula, he was already on their newborn formula (with expressed breast milk) so it was a simple switch.  The formula is different as it has reduced lactose and partially digested whey protein.  We've found that he throws up a lot less on this, almost never.  He loves it!  Using this with the Dr Browns helps too as their bottles seem to have a slower flow than the TT ones, giving him more time to digest.

Baby massage

Another thing that was recommended to us was tummy massage.  The way it was described, was to imagine with two fingers, drawing a box around his belly button, but without drawing the bottom part, just keep doing that.  Pretty much each time we do this, he passes a lot of wind which helps him calm down.  Also, if you lay your baby down your legs so their head is furthest away from you, grab their legs and cycle them like they're peddling a bike, this helps to work wind around their system too, and looks super cute :)

Squidge chilling out on day 2 of our colic remedies

Burping

I know most mums and dads will do this as a matter of course, but it's important to remember to burp your baby.  I usually give him a break half way through a feed which is when I burp him, then at the end of the feed I'll burp him again.

Position

You might find that your baby is most comfortable lying on his tummy, I've found that the best way to calm him down is to lay him on my chest on his tummy - it's also a good position for burping him and giving him a cuddle at the same time, plus it doubles up as some tummy time for him too :)

I don't know what it is that's helped, I think it's been a combination of all of it as when there's one of the elements we miss out, he cries a lot more.  But, so far, and it's early days yet, he seems to have improved.  If your baby has colic, I'd recommend implementing as many of these as you can.  Things like the tummy massage and cycling legs are easy to do and have pretty quick results

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