How do single parents do it?

Since having a baby, several times my hubby and I have looked at each other and said, how to single parents do it?  Raising a baby is a hard, full time, 24-hr a day job, a job where you need support, both mental and physical.  I've gained so much respect for people who are managing having a baby on their own.  It's a tough job.

Over the last few days the hubby has had a really nasty case of the flu, not man-flu, but proper can't-get-out-of-bed flu, which has left me doing everything - looking after Squidge while he's going through a very tough spell, keeping the house ticking over, looking after the hubby, and me. It's been a really tough few days, and I've got through it with the support of the hubby's parents - Squidge and I spent a lot of time at their house so I could have some help with him, as he's not exactly a happy baby at the moment - and I just kept thinking, how do single parents do this - I mean, if the mum or dad with the baby has the flu, they still have to look after the baby.  Then I got thinking, what if they don't have family or friends they can lean on in times of need - it just really got me thinking about how incredibly lucky we are to have such wonderful family, and each other.

If there are any single parents reading this, I commend you!  I also wanted to highlight a fantastic charity for single parents called Gingerbread - they offer help and advice on all aspects of being a single parent, from helping with budgeting, providing advice, training and practical support.  I think it's important to know that you're never alone, that's something I've come to realise from going to my weekly mummy club - so many other mummies have had similar birth experiences, and the same struggles with their babies, like having their nights and days mixed up (the babies, not the parents :P), colic, teething etc, and other struggles we may not know about.

When it's just you and your baby, it can feel very lonely, I really cannot recommend enough getting out and going to these mummy clubs - the babies love it (Squidge LOVES looking at other babies) and it's lovely for us mummies.  I'm very lucky in that I have a fantastic mummy club, it's every Thursday from 1:00 - 2:30/3pm and only £1 to go, and for that the mummies get a cup of tea and a biscuit, babies who are weaning get a little bit of fruit - and the babies get a big square area with play gyms and toys - groups like this don't need to be expensive, so even if you're on a very tight budget you might be able to find a group for you :)

Sorry for this post being a bit of a brain-dump-miss-match :)

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6 things they don't tell you about becoming a parent

1.  Those fears about poop, saliva, snot etc, don't matter

I'm pretty horrid at dealing with saliva (barf), poop, snot, things like that - I used to work in operating theatres and have dry heaved over a waking patient when they took the tube out of their throat and saw the saliva... but with Squidge, it just doesn't matter - I can even get poop on my hand and be ok with it, never thought I'd see the day!

2.  You'll cope better than you expect without sleep

Before having a baby, it's hard to imagine how you'll cope on 3 hrs sleep a night, but you do - it's pretty remarkable!  Before Squidge slept through the night I'd get about 3 hrs, and I wouldn't nap in the day, but I managed to function without being a complete and utter zombie - although, there was that occasion that I put a black bin bag in the dishwasher instead of a tablet... true story.

3.  Nothing can prepare you for the love...

Everyone says it, but it's true, nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming love you'll feel for your little one, it's such a pure love, and nothing they do will ever shake that.  It's so overwhelming that in the early days after they've been born, you might well find yourself crying with happiness at at being so overwhelmed that they're in your life.

4.  Think you have no free time now? Ha!

It's funny, before we had Squidge we actually thought we had no free time... (insert laughter here), it's amazing how much of your time becomes dedicated to your baby - all of it pretty much, and that's ok, you don't begrudge it at all, you just miss some of your old hobbies, but if they're really important to you, you'll find time for them, whether that's when the baby is sleeping, or after coercing someone to look after the baby for a few hours/day.

5.  Celebrating strange things

Typically, before being a parent you might celebrate birthday's, valentines, you know, normal stuff, but when you have a baby, you'll start celebrating things like a nice big burp after a bottle, or a poop after a couple of poop free days - I've literally yelled 'YAY he's pooping!' - yeah you'll celebrate normal things too like when they first smile, but you'll breath a sigh of relief with poops and burps, especially if they're colicy or constipated.

6.  Face full of pee

If you have a boy, it's almost a foregone conclusion that at some point, he's going to pee on his face and then cry... it's typically as soon as you've removed the old nappy and just before you put the new clean nappy on - pro tip: keep a baby wipe out and when you whip off the old nappy, chuck the baby wipe over his bits to stop this happening :)  Oh, you'll probably get pee on your face at some point too - maybe even poop if you're really lucky.

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4 month baby & mummy update

It's hard to believe 4 whole months have passed since little Squidge entered our lives, it's hard to remember what life was like before he was a part of it.  It feels like he's doing something new every day at the moment.  There was a point about a week or so ago where he seemed to all of a sudden be doing so much more, amazing to see.

CLOTHES

He's fully in age 3-6 months now and has been for about a week - trouser legs are still a bit long, and tops are a big baggy, but 0-3 months are just too small - he's also progressed to the next size of socks (0-6 months) - as much as he has big feet and long legs, I have to remember that he's a really small baby, still in the 5th percentile.  I've also discovered how much I love Zara baby clothes - I love how they're different from what you can pick up everywhere else, and such great quality.  I bought some navy blue corduroys the other day, they're so incredibly soft!

TEETHING

Yep, he's teething, and it's been horrific.  I won't go into it too much as I blogged about it here, but basically he's been chewing his fists, drooling lots, very grouchy and grizzly, and has very rough patches on his gums.  We've found that Dentinox has really helped, and Ashton & Parsons teething powder.  I've also realised I need to get some baby feeding spoons as the only spoon I could give him the powder on was a normal teaspoon, not ideal as it can't be steralised.

SLEEP

He's still sleeping well, he goes down about 8:30/9:00pm and sleeps through until about 8am - although he does grizzle a bit from about 6am - but it's usually when his dummy has popped out, so I just pop it back in and he goes back to sleep.  The last couple of nights, since the teething, he's been waking about 2:30am and grizzling, but again, just popping his dummy back in makes him go back to sleep.  After chatting to other mummies at the mummy club I go to I realised just how lucky I am that he is sleeping through the night already :)

FEEDING

His feeds have been going really well.  He's feeding every 3 hours (so, 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm & 8pm) and has about 5-6oz per feed in about 10-20 mins.  I tend to feed him on about a 45 degree angle (used to feed him sat very upright) as I find it's easier to burp him afterwards if I feed him that way.  I love how we have this routine now, it's so much easier for me and him knowing where we are

PROGRESS

Apart from smiling all the time (making my heart melt) he's also reaching and grasping at toys, he even held a rattle the other day and waved it around :) He's developed a love for his giraffe comforter, he loves how soft it is and how chewable it is :)  He's rolled over onto his side a couple of times when he's on something squishy, still early days though.  He loves sitting up, it's his favourite, although he can't do it unaided, he still loves being upright.  He's cooing like crazy, chatting away and making some very explosive sounds, some of which are very high pitched!  All in all he seems to be coming along great :)

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Silent Sunday #4

Squidge in his Galt Playnest

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The hardest week so far...

I never thought being a mummy would be easy, and I know there's nothing anyone can say that'll prepare you for how wonderful, and how tough it is.  But this last week has pushed my limits.

Basically we're teething.  On Saturday afternoon, Squidge started whining, these really high-pitched squeaky whines.  We thought nothing of it other than him finding his voice more.  Then the whines turned into big scary cries, the kind of cries that nearly had us taking him to A&E as he sounded like someone was ripping his arm off.  Panicked and stressed, we stripped him down to check for rashes or marks and he seemed fine, checked his temp that was fine too.  We'd noticed he'd been drooling a lot in the day and chewing his hands, so we tried some Dentanox teething gel which seemed to help. He was over tired too, so we took him for a drive which sent him to sleep, but only for half an hour.

Sunday came and went, a fair amount of crying but it'd subside with the teething gel.  Monday was a good day, he managed to have decent naps in the day so his mood was greatly improved.  Then Tuesday came... Tuesday was a horrible day.  He refused to nap (he usually has about 2-3 hrs in the morning, then about an hour after each feed in the day) and I ended up spending about 8 hours (in total) walking around the house with him and trying anything I could to get him to sleep while he was crying (tried his rocker too, poddle pod, moses basket, cot... everything!).  What made it worse, the plumber was here flushing our radiators, so the front door was open all afternoon (when it was snowing outside) so I couldn't take him downstairs where he has his day naps as it was too cold, and there was a lot of noise from knocking pipes etc.

Every time I managed to get him to sleep, 20 mins later he'd be awake, whether by his own doing or being woken up by banging pipes.  Then we come to today... today has been testing.  The morning started off well, he didn't have as long to nap as usual, he had 1.5 hours - from that point, if he's awake, he's crying or whining or screaming... nothing settles him... I ended up joining him in the meltdown, I just didn't know what to do as nothing made him happy.  He had a dry nappy, food in his belly, I tried his play mat, snug seat, bouncer, my lap, shoulder and chest, nothing - just crying and tears the whole time.  I gave him teething gel and nelsons powder too, neither of which helped.

When times are like this, I honestly don't know how people cope... I coped by crying my way through it with Squidge.  Today it dawned on me just how tough being a mummy can be, but you know what, I'm here, it's late afternoon, he's FINALLY settled down and I'm still here.  I wasn't sure if this post would be over-sharing a bit, but I'm glad I've written it, it was cathartic to write, and you never know, another mummy having a terrible few days like I've had might stumble on this and not feel alone. We're not alone, as much as it can feel like that sometimes.

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Silent Sunday #3

Sleeping with Mr Giraffe after lots of teething cries

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Correcting a baby's day and night

For the first 7ish weeks of Squidge's life, he had his days and nights mixed up and it was a nightmare. I think it must be quite common with Autumn/Winter babies, as often in the day it's dark and bleak, and in the evenings we have the lights on making it bright.  We got to the stage where we were up with him until about 6am night after night and it was horrific... we didn't know what we were doing wrong, but we were doing the same thing every night and hoping for a different result (definition of insanity non?), so we made some changes, and we saw immediate results.  

While I'm sure there's many different ways to help fix this, this is what worked for us.  That's not to say it'll necessary work for you, but if you're anything like I was, and you're reading this, then I'm sure you're willing to try anything, I know we were.

Routine is so important.  It doesn't necessarily matter what time you do this routine, it can change day-to-day, but the going-to-bed part is really important, so that when you go through the motions, they'l know this means it's sleep time.  Here's what we do every night, the time varies depending on when his feeds fall, but it's about 8-9pm each night.

I take him upstairs and put his lamp on the lowest setting in his nursery.  I change his nappy and don't talk to him - the feed before this one is where I'd change him into his sleepsuit, I find doing it as part of the going to bed routine wakes him up to much as he's started to cry when we change his clothes.

Then, with my warm bottle, we go into the bedroom where his moses basket it, leaving the light off so that just the light from his nursery lights up our room, I just need it light enough to see his face to be able to feed him. I sit on the bed and feed him in the dark, again not speaking to him.  It's a very quiet and calm feed.  Even if he cries, I don't speak to him, but I will make ssssssh sounds while I'm trying to get him sleepy.

Once the feed is done, I burp him, once that's done I cuddle him, put his dummy in and rock him until he's sleepy.  Once he's sleepy I put him down in his moses basket and usually he'll fall right asleep. If he starts crying, I'll pick him back up, get him sleepy and put him back down, it's just repeating those steps.

I walk away and head downstairs and watch him on the monitor - we'll only go back up to him if he's really crying, or if he's spat the dummy out - usually just putting that back in is enough to send him straight back off, even if his eyes are wide open.  The first night we tried this, he didn't wake up until about 1am for that feed, this went on for about a week or so, then he dropped that feed and started sleeping through until about 7-8am.

I'm realistic in that I know it could all chance, especially when he's teething, but for now he's sleeping through the night, and getting regular naps in the day (about 2-3 hours in the morning, and about 30-60 mins after or before each feed in the day).  Sleep is super important for babies, they're learning so much and doing so much growing that they really need to rest, it helps them retain all the things they've just learned.  The days when he doesn't sleep much in the day time we really see a difference in him, he'll be much more grouchy and cries a lot more, so we know he needs it.

One thing to be careful of, this routine does lend itself to you letting them fall asleep on you first, which is a habit that I've gotten into that I'm in the process of breaking, and so far so good :)

The biggest things to remember:

Stick to the routine, even if it doesn't work straight away, the routine itself is really important
Do the last feed in the dark
Don't speak to them during the last feed, it needs to be quiet & calm
Make day-time feeds more happy and fun, chat away to them so they can see the different between day and night feeds

I hope that's been helpful, please leave a comment if you try this and let me know how you get on. Or if you've fixed the same problem but a different way, please do leave a comment with your tips for other mums & dads :)

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Our routine #1

I thought I'd start up a little series about our routine, now that we finally have one.  Whenever we establish a new routine, I'll write up a new post.

8am (give or take an hour)

This is about the time Squidge wakes up, well, any time between 7-9am.  After I've had a quick wash, I take him into the nursery (after getting a few smiles in his moses basket) and change his nappy, after that I warm up a bottle and by about 8:30 he's having breakfast.  After this, he has a cuddle and usually sleeps for 2-3 hours, unless he's just having one-of-those days.

Midday

Around now he wakes up needing his next feed.  This is typically when  I change his nappy and warm a bottle for him, and bath him.  For some reason I've got into the habit of bathing him around midday before his feed.  After this bottle he has a little cuddle, and then we have some fun.  I'll either get out his Mamas & Papas snug and activity centre and he'll sit in that for a few mins (until he starts crying) or I'll get his Fisher Price Rainforest play gym out.  He'll be on this anything from 10 mins to about half hour, with a couple mins of tummy time too.  Then, I'll cuddle him to sleep and he'll get maybe an hour before his next feed is due.

3pm

Time for nappy change and a bottle.  After this one we have a cuddle and again, something fun, maybe the chair bouncer this time.  He really likes his bouncer at the moment, so it's a great opportunity for me to wash his bottles and make up some more as he gets strapped into his bouncer. He loves cooing at the toys that dangle on the bridge over the bouncer and smiling at them (seriously cute).  Then, another nap for an hour or so before the next feed.

6pm - or as soon as we sit down for dinner...

Feed and nappy change.  Cuddles with Daddy, chat and all sorts of baby-Daddy fun :)  Then another little nap.

9pm - or slightly earlier depending on timings of other feeds

Bed time!  I warm up a bottle for him, take him upstairs and change his nappy in a low light, the whole time not speaking to him, but I'm only human so when he smiles at me, I smile right back :)

Then we sit on the bed and I feed him his last bottle of the day, in the dark with just the light from his nursery on so I can see his face to be able to feed him.  Again, I don't speak to him, just impart the odd kiss on his head, because I can't help myself.  He has a cuddle to send him to sleep, then I put him in his moses basket.  He might need 1-2 more cuddles before he'll settle, but we're generally done anytime between 9-10 (usually closer to 9 as his feeds often fall slightly earlier).  Then he'll pretty much sleep through the night <-- I really didn't want to type that, I feel that now I've put it in writing, he'll start waking up for night feeds again :P

Other tidbits

• Each feed he's having about 5oz, and all in one sitting, with a bit burp at the end
• He's been sleeping through the night since he was about 7 weeks old
• When he naps in the day, it's in his poddle pod (pictured)
• He feeds every 3 hours
• He's typically pooping once a day now

I'm pretty happy with this routine, we both know it well now.  Some days he'll just be really grizzly and fussy so it goes out of the window (other than the feeds/nappy changes etc), some days he just wants/needs to be cuddled all day otherwise he cries and cries.  I wonder how his routine differs from other babies :)

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My favourite Netflix shows

Inspired by the 'Top 10 shows to watch on Netflix in the Winter' post the lovely Chantelle over at two hearts, one roof wrote, I thought I'd join in and talk about what I'm watching on Netflix at the moment.

LILYHAMMER

This is my favourite series to watch on there right now, by far.  It stars Steven Van Zandt (Silvio Dante from The Sopranos) as a member of the mafia taking refuge in Lilyhammer, Norway after 'snitching' on his colleagues back in America.  There's lots of subtitles but don't let that put you off, as despite that it's really easy to follow.  It's packed with lots of laughs and some crazy story lines, with random characters coming and going within a couple of episodes making it pretty fast paced.  

There's currently 3 seasons of it available on Netflix, I'm half way through season 2 and can't wait to see the rest :)

THE KILLING

I started watching this when it was on C4, but for one reason for another I stopped watching it.  Well, when I signed up to Netflix I saw they were all on there and picked up where I left off, and I'm so glad I did.  The first series is all about a murder, I won't go into too much detail as I don't want to spoil it for you, but the second series also covers the same murder.  I think this is why I stopped watching it, I was a little too impatient, but when I went back to it I loved it, and it was nice to finally have some closure.  The rest of series 2, and then series 3 are different from the rest, they're faster paced.  

I'm sad that they didn't film more, but the 3 series they have are great and worth a watch if you like dark, moody crime dramas.

BREAKING BAD

This might seem like an obvious pick, since it's so hyped.  I actually purposely didn't watch it for a long time because of the hype, but I'm so glad I did.  It's a great, captivating series about a high school chemistry teacher who gets diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Feeling like he has no option, he takes up cooking crystal meth.  Seeing as he's a chemistry teacher, he's seems like the perfect person to create the best meth around.

It's action packed and full of gasp-making scenes and episodes.  If you're anything like me you'll end up hating his wife in it (so annoying!), you'll start off feeling sorry for him (Walter) and end up thinking he's a complete d**k, and you'll feel sorry for Jessie.  But I don't want to give too much away, the plot I've outlined above really is only the introductory plot.  Give it a watch, you won't regret it :)

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

For me this show was a bit of a slow burner.  I started watching it as there was so much chatter about it on Twitter.  I thought it was watchable, but it didn't really engross me.  Then I realised I'd watched both series 1&2 and was looking for series 3, clearly I'd enjoyed watching it more than I thought I did!  It stars a character called Piper.  In a previous life (when she was younger) she'd fallen for a woman called Alex who was a bit of a drug smuggler.  All doey-eyed, Piper, on one occasion, smuggles drugs for her.  Years later it goes to trial and she has to serve her time, this is pretty much where the show starts (minus episode 1).  

It's actually very watchable and entertaining :)

If you only watch one of these series, I'd urge you to watch Lilyhammer, yeah Breaking Bad is awesome too, but Lilyhammer feels like a hidden gem, I'm surprised I don't see it talked about more, it's entertaining, funny, violent (not in a Tarantino way) and well written.

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Silent Sunday #2

A sleeping baby on Daddy's lap

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Bluestone Wales

We've just arrived back from a mid-week break at Bluestone Wales (Pembrokeshire).  I actually spend a lot of time in Pembs as I have family there and used to live there when I was younger, but I'd never been to Bluestone before.  I've actually never been on this type of 'holiday resort in the woods' holiday before, so it was a totally new experience.  This is a photo-heavy post, so sorry if it took a while to load, but I took a LOT of pics there and these are the ones that made the cut :)  I've also created a Pinterest board of these pics, and some more which you can see here.

The Lodge - Skomer

We were put up in a Skomer lodge, this is a 3 bedroom (2 twin rooms, 1 double (2 en suite)).  It had a lounge area with TV (freeview) and a DVD player, 2 sofas (seated a total of 4 adults - could have probably squeezed more on there if we were shoulder to shoulder and skinny).  The house was fitted with stairgates at both the top and bottom of the stairs, it also had a Mothercare travel cot and a high chair.

All of the furniture in the lodge felt really well made and solid and all of the bits and bobs in the kitchen were lovely too, in fact, I'd have loved it if they'd sold some of the pieces on site, I really wanted to buy their sugar bowl and water jug :)  If you're reading this Bluestone, maybe something you could consider stocking in your shops :)

They also made great use of a bit of landing space upstairs by putting down a massive flat-ish bean bag and flat screen TV ideal for kids to chill out at, great idea!

Below are some pictures of the lodge, and little touches from the different rooms.

My shower essentials!  It was a lovely sized shower, and felt really solid

Only negative about the kitchen was that the microwave was a couple of milimetres too small to fit our Tommee Tippee microwave steraliser in, luckily we'd brought some Milton tablets with us so we just used the steraliser as a cold water one instead :)

Out and about

A few steps up our lane took us to the main one-way route around the park.  You can hire golf buggy's for about £25 a day or £80 for the week to help you get about.  We didn't need this, but if Squidge was a bit older it might have been something we'd considered if we were taking part in some of the activities.

Here's some pics of around the park & village.

Our view at the back of the lodge

A little row of prettily coloured houses in the village

A view of the village

The Farmhouse grill entrance

Great idea - milk vending machine!  I think they were in the process of fixing it as it was out of order when we were there

Millers cafe & bakery - this is where you can pick up fresh bread, croissants etc.  We had lunch here on our first full day, we opted for one of their pies which were super tasty! (hubby had the steak & gravy, I had the vegetable pie)

The Knights Tafarn - we had lunch here, food was nice, homemade chips were really lovely.  Only problem was a couple of dirty glasses, but they replaced them and the drink very quickly and politely.

View of the hills in the distance

Great for photography

Just wondering around the place I found loads of interesting things to photograph.  While I don't pretend to be any good at photography or know what I'm talking about, I do enjoy taking pics of things, here's a few of my favs.

Squidge at Bluestone

It wouldn't be a post if I didn't include some pics of Squidge now would it :)  I have to say, he was amazing.  His first time sleeping in a different cot/bed etc and he slept really well :)  Here's some of my fav pics of him during our stay :)

Squidge on Daddy's lap, looking rather quizzical.

Squidge giving a fist pump, rather pleased with himself.  That smile...

I love this pic, I feel like it's our first glimpse of what he's going to start looking like as a toddler/child

Overall I was really impressed with how clean the lodge was and how well made everything was, it all felt very solid.  It's a well thought out resort and despite lots of people telling us how massive the park was, we didn't find it too bad, perhaps if we had young children we'd feel differently.  

We did also check out the Blue Lagoon water park while we were there, Squidge hated it but he hates water, so that's no surprise, but the hubby loved it and had lots of fun.  He was gutted we didn't have time to go back.

We took Squidge to the Baby Sensory hour (£7) too which was in the adventure centre.  We missed the first half sadly, we were about to leave the lodge to go when he decided to scream the place down for his bottle an hour earlier than it was due... either way, he loved it, he loves looking at other babies :) We had a story time, and a little pretend picnic.

Things we liked:

• Large, well made and warm lodge
• Pies in the cafe were super yummy
• Bluestone were quick to fix things (the light outside our lodge didn't work and within about an hour of us letting them know, they had maintenance out to fix it)
• It all seemed very well organised, staff were always very friendly and happy to help
• Comfy sofas (though, could have done with an arm chair too)

Heads up:

• If you have a bottle fed baby, either bring a small steraliser, or milton tablets with you to cold-water steralise
• Remember to bring your own washing up liquid, black sacks, loo rolls etc as what they set you up with isn't quite enough for the stay
• If you're using the travel cot, I'd bring a couple of thick extra towels as the mattress is very hard (pretty much like board), we laid down some towels on top of it so it was softer (don't forget to bring your own linen too)
• Activities aren't included in the price of the stay, so budget ahead of time!

We really enjoyed our stay at Bluestone and would certainly be up for going there again.  Although next time we'd hope for better weather so we could take part in more activities, and we'd probably use it more as a base and sight-see south Pembs a bit more :)

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*Accommodation was complimentary, all opinions are my own